It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
