I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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