She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
