I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
