her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
