She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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