Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
