Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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