WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
