sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
