Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
