I must be too annoying 4 u.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
