Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
