I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
