it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
