Non-Jews are for practice
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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