New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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