so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
