I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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