I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
