Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
