We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
