Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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