You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
