I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
