dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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