Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
