So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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