No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
