i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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