My liver just broke up with me...
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
