Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
