You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So vagazzling was a success
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
