The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
