Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
