I wannas sexs uuuuu
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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