so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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