counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
