i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
