Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
