Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
