nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
