last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
