That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
