My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
