Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
