i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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