The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
