all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
