i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Success! We fucked roommates!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
