I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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